It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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