This house was built for laser tag.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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