You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
