Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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