Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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