shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
