his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
