at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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