why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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