The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
