The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
there's paper in my vomit.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
