im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
