she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
