Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
