woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
