It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
