discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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