I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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