what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
