i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
