I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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