its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
