Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
