Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
