We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
