So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
