Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
