some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
