i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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