He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
