The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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