I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
