watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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