I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Your penis caused this!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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