I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
