I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
