haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
