Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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