You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
