Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
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It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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