Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
