Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
