I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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