I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
