I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
