At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
