guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
