he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
