Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
