mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
