U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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