my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
