I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
