i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
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How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.