I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
