I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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