My balls are so social today.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
