some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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