I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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