she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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