last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
