Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
