She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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