I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
