Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
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You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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