You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
