I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
