i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
